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Making Relationship Work, Whose Duty?

By ABIBATU LAWANU (29-09-2016)

No one is ever prepared for those down period, when your spouse would rather be on his own, than listen to the lovely encounter that occurred on your way home. Apparently, there is no relationship in life in which people will hurt one another more than in a marriage relationship.

Some men cannot apologize to their wives because of their ego. They think saying sorry implies that they’re wrong and no one finds it easy to admit his mistakes. Some would prefer to see the worse happen rather than say “sorry” to their wives. To them the woman should be the one to apologize whether they are right or wrong, and most of the time that it what happens . Women bow to such pressures to save their marriage.

During courtship, where a man has more than one partner, the most docile woman in his life wins in the end. A successful bachelor who has so many women trying to win his love. Just cannot tell which of the girls genuinely loves him. Often time such a man finds himself having chains of girl- friends and does not really care who stays or walks away. In some cases, such a man may end up marrying the girl who has the ability to take a whole lot of crap, he throws to her without battling an eyelid.

A cousin of mine who is overwhelmingly beautiful, has brains and with an upward mobile career was not appreciated by her man. She made so much effort despite knowing that there were other girls in his life. The man kept one coming up with one excuse or the other on why he couldn’t commit to her.

However, she won the hearts of his family members and friends and they urged him to marry her. Despite the fact that he didn’t love her, he didn’t want to hurt her so he married her out of pity. She spent the first few months of their marriage trying to please him without success. Even after marriage, the man continued his old life style and was never home. She suffered worse pain then she would have suffered if he had failed to marry her. After two miserable years with her man, she decided to quit.

The question now is that why must it be the women that have to put in more effort to save their marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying a woman should not admit her fault. She should learn to accept responsibility for her own faults. A dialogue produces best results. When you start by putting the other party on the defensive. There’s nothing wrong in you demanding for dialogue with your man. But this should be done in the privacy of your bedroom when the entire household is sleeping. There is no point for you to try to be combative or angry. Do not use words that are derogatory to describe your spouses action. Simply explain how you feel and after you have made your point, hold your peace. The tendency to be judgmental when the other person is talking is always there. This can hinder resolution of the issue at hand because there is every likelihood that you will not get to hear all your spouse has to say.

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