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The rules of the game

By Yetunde Arebi (17/08/2017)

Sex means so many things to different people. To a large extent, what we think about sex and how we feel about it, depends largely on our individual experiences. While sex can be much fun and so, so pleasurable for some, others may find it uncomfortable and irritating, and some others, unbearable. However, sex is a game that comes with its own set of rules, and players need to try to abide by them. When these rules are breached, the partners are not likely to get the desired result. To get the best out of your partner, you must create an enabling environment to suit your purpose, and up your game at any given opportunity for a rump in the sacks.

While sex can become a routine exercise for those who are in long term relationships such as marriage and co-habitation, you still need to adhere to certain rules of the game if you don’t want it to become boring and eventually a domestic chore that must be performed, such as washing the dishes or tending the lawns.
I have listed some of these below to help us evaluate how well we are doing in tending to our sex lives. If you wish to add your own findings or rules to the list for it to be published for the benefit of other readers, please contact me via the addresses on this page. Do have a wonderful weekend!!

No necro sex please!
This is especially for the ladies! To have great sex, you must be in the mood and connected to your partner. So, unless necrophilia is his thing, he expects you to actively participate in the action. Never be afraid or too shy to let yourself go and enjoy the moment. It may not be too easy, but it makes the game more interesting and fulfilling if partners learn to meet each other at least half way during sex. This does not mean you have to be loud and vulgar like a porn star. Initiate kisses, touch and caress his body. Sex is a game for two consenting adults, don’t make it seem like you are being forced to endure it. As for the male folk, stop believing in your ability to gyrate your waist, most of the time, it is not the thrusting that matters but the total package.

What’s your name, Mary or Sue?
This might happen to anyone, especially if they are in a new relationship, cheating on their partners or still emotionally tied to a previous relationship. You might call out to Jane or John in the heat of passion, when you are actually in the arms of Mary or Mathew. This is very inappropriate and could even bring an abrupt end to the fun at hand. If it happens, you will need to quickly jam on your thinking cap to twist and confuse your partner or just pretend that it never happened.
Unless you are paying for the sex, no one will love to know that you are thinking of someone else while sweating it out in their arms. However, some people have perfected the act of the graveyard silence. From the moment of insertion to withdrawal, you will hardly hear a sound break from their lips and it is left to their partner to figure out if they enjoyed it or not.

No crying after spilled milk
For some people, going down on a partner might not be their idea of having a nice time. Not everyone is carefree and confident about their bodies and how they look naked. If you have agreed to give your partner the blow job or cunnilingus, now known as licking the plate in Naija parlance, there is no need to turn around and start hurting their feelings by painting how it feels, tastes or look down there. It is rather embarrassing and rude to start complaining or spitting around after performing the act (read about a guy who vomited all over his partner after he was forced to go down on her). Remember, if you find oral sex rather gross, there is no need to participate in it. Stick to what you like and which makes you comfortable.
Women especially are inclined to endure sex and do next to nothing about making it better for themselves and their partners. Many of us are also tied to guys who lack understanding of the mysterious  vajayjay. If your guy is not hitting the spot, please don’t endure sex in silence. If you don’t speak up he will never try to even attempt to make things right.

Be the master of your own game
Many women are still stuck in the stone age. They believe that men desire sex more often than women, and conspicuously enjoy same too,    so, it is their duty to do all the prep work. And when they do not get the satisfaction they crave, they still heap the blame on the blokes for lacking tact and being selfish. The truth is, to enjoy sex, you need to feel sexy, be sensual, will your body and senses towards achieving your desired goals.
So, take matters into your own hands too and help meet him half way by stoking your own fires burning. Take a hot bath, read an erotic or romantic novel or watch porn. Yes, porn, no one said its meant for men’s viewing alone. Create your own sexual fantasy and relive it in your head and you will find that it is easier to wake up your sexual energy than you earlier imagined.
Join the Boys Scout
Many women believe that because men initiate sex most of the time, they ought to be prepared for the act and come with the condoms. Please, wake up from your slumber! No one is more responsible for your sexual health more than you. So, don’t be caught napping, if you are not in a committed relationship, come with your condom to bed.

Odour gases
Whether you are a woman or man, it is never okay to fart during sex as it is very unattractive. Many couples in long term relationships often tend to take things for granted and break wind on their partners indiscriminately, even when the other does not exhibit similar habit. Some people believe farting on their partners is a no-issue, because it is a normal body function. You will even hear people come up with such excuses as, there are no specially designated rooms for farting.
Farting while having sex is almost the same as farting in an enclosed public place. Even if you think it is okay to break wind because you are sure it will be silent, don’t forget that the aftermath and lingering odour can be offensive, breaking the tone of the moment. Make no mistakes, farting during sex is not the same thing as a woman’s vagina making noise during sex. They are two different things. Please try and avoid farting at all cost while having sex. Same for belching and coughing, puking or vomiting.

Rear entry forbidden
Unless you have been in a very long relationship where you both have broken down all inhibitions and/or are aware of each other sexual preferences, you do not try out kinky sex on your partner without talking it through first. It is very rude, inappropriate and scary, as well as against sex rules to insert anything; finger, butt plug, penis, vibrator or any object in the rear of your partner. Diving into such a place without prior notice or permission might be quite shocking and uncomfortable.

If you intend to make a success of your time in the sack, you must be prepared to devote quality time and concentration to it. Leave your phones, laptops, BBM, Facebook and Twitter messages alone and only follow the flow of the game at hand. Answering calls and texts while having sex is a no, no and rather insulting to your partner. It is the first sign that you are either not interested in what is happening between the two of you, or it is not interesting or stimulating enough. Same with reading the newspapers, smoking a cigarette, chewing gum or talking about something else, other than uttering loving endearments or laughing. Sex is a serious business and needs concentration, dedication and focus.

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